The Middle Path of Parenting: Leading with Presence, Not Power
"Too much leading, and we create anxiety for children. Too much following, and the same is true. In wisdom, we find balance between the two."
– Vince Gowmon
If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve found yourself stuck between two extremes: trying to maintain control or giving in just to keep the peace. Maybe you’ve even felt like you’re constantly swinging between the two. Being “the enforcer” one minute and feeling like a doormat the next.
It’s exhausting. And confusing.
Not just for you… but for your child, too.
The truth is, most of us weren’t taught how to find the space in between. We default to what we know: power-over or permissiveness. But here’s the good news… there is another way!
It’s not about choosing one or the other. It’s about finding the middle path.
A path where leadership and connection go hand in hand.
Where you can hold boundaries and stay emotionally available.
Where your teen knows that your presence is a safe place - not just a source of power or leniency.
The FOCUS Model: Parenting with Balance
In my coaching practice, I teach the FOCUS model, and this middle path fits right at the heart of it. When you’re tempted to clamp down or completely let go, here’s how you can center yourself:
F – Facts First: What’s actually happening here? Remove the drama and the story. Name the facts.
O – Own Your Thoughts: Are you thinking, “They’re out of control,” or “I’m a bad parent”? Notice your thought loop.
C – Choose Your Feelings: Instead of reacting from fear or frustration, pause. Choose calm, curiosity, or even compassion.
U – Understand Your Actions: Are you about to take control out of anxiety, or step back out of burnout? Understand your impulse.
S – Shape Your Results: Ask, “What kind of relationship am I creating in this moment?” Let that guide you.
This model invites you to lead from a place of calm confidence instead of fear or guilt. It helps you become the safe base your teen needs. Not a rescuer, not a dictator.
This Week’s Practice: Pause Between the Extremes
Next time you feel the urge to take over or give up, try this:
Take a slow breath and say out loud:
“I am stuck between taking control and giving in. I don’t see another option yet – and that’s okay. I’m open to one revealing itself.”
Then ask yourself:
What is truly needed right now?
Is there a creative middle path here?
Am I responding from fear… or from freedom?
Let your body be part of the answer. Wisdom often whispers before it speaks. The pause you take — that sacred breath — is where clarity lives.
Why This Works
Children and teens don’t just want control or freedom. They want to feel safe. They want to be seen. They want to know someone is in charge, without feeling controlled.
Too much control? They resist or shut down.
Too little structure? They feel anxious and ungrounded.
But in the space between, something powerful happens:
Collaboration. Connection. Confidence.
When we find that “middle path,” we begin to parent from a place of quiet strength — not performance, not perfection. We become leaders in our families, not managers. And we raise teens who trust us, not just obey us.
From the Coach’s Seat
As a coach, I often work with parents who believe they have only two choices:
Be strong and firm (even if it disconnects them from their child)
Or be kind and permissive (even if it leaves them resentful and exhausted)
But the real strength? It’s in the blend.
I guide parents to build what I call internal safety — the grounded, steady place inside from which we can parent clearly and compassionately.
We look at nervous system cues:
Are you contracting into control?
Are you collapsing into appeasement?
When we learn to stay present in our discomfort, we can hold space for our child’s growth without rushing to fix, control, or avoid. This is where resilient relationships are born — not just obedient behavior.
Real-Life Encouragement
One of my favorite shifts to witness is when a parent lets go of the fear-based narrative that the teen years have to be awful. Connecting with your teen actually makes parenting easier. And it’s true.
When you stop leading from power-over and start leading with presence, everything changes:
Arguments soften
Power struggles lessen
Trust builds
Your teen starts to come to you — not just push you away
Final Thought
Parenting doesn’t have to live at the extremes.
When we pause, feel into the moment, and trust our inner wisdom, we begin to parent from a place of deep presence and calm leadership.
This is the empowered path.
This is the middle path.
And this is where true connection is born.
Want to Help Your Teen Walk the Middle Path Too?
If this post resonated with you, and you’re looking for more support to help your teen grow in confidence, calm, and connection this school year—I’d love to invite them to join my Teen Resilience Sessions.
This 4-week online experience gives teens the emotional tools to:
Handle stress and anxiety with more ease
Understand and express their feelings
Communicate openly (especially at home)
Build real confidence from the inside out
It’s a gentle reset designed to help teens start the school year grounded, not overwhelmed—and feel safe in who they are.
💛 Spots are limited to keep things personal and supportive.
👉 Click here to learn more and save your teen’s spot.
