Why Relationships Are Everything: The Real Reason You Feel Stuck, Disconnected, or Lonely
Most of the people I work with come to me thinking the problem is “out there.”
Their teen is acting out.
Their marriage feels tense and tired.
They’re not speaking to their sister.
Their friend stopped texting.
They’re overwhelmed. Hurt. Tired of trying.
But underneath all of that… what they’re really feeling is disconnected.
And that makes total sense because we are wired for connection.
You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to what your nervous system was built for.
When I interviewed Todd Sarner last week on the podcast, we talked about attachment styles—how our early relationships shape the way we seek safety, respond to stress, and show up in conflict.
It reminded me that most of us aren’t actually “bad at relationships.”
We’ve just never been taught how to understand ourselves in them.
Because the truth is… when something feels off in a relationship, it’s rarely about the dishes, the curfew, or the unanswered text.
It’s about feeling unheard, unseen, or unimportant.
And when we don’t know how to name those feelings, we fall into our patterns:
We shut down.
We lash out.
We try to control.
We pull away.
It’s just our nervous system doing its job—trying to protect us.
But protection isn’t connection.
Melissa Radke’s stories reminded me: We’re shaped by the people we love… even when it’s messy.
In next week’s episode, I’m talking with Melissa Radke—author of Chicken Fried Women.
Her book is full of real stories about the women who raised her, fought with her, stood by her, and loved her through every version of herself.
Reading it reminded me how much we learn about love through lived experience. Not through rules or theories.
And how often we’re shaped by relationships we didn’t even realize were teaching us something at the time.
The problem isn’t “your teen” or “your marriage.” The problem is disconnection.
And here’s the good news: Connection is a skill.
It can be learned. It can be rebuilt. It can be chosen.
In my coaching practice, I use a tool called the FOCUS Framework™—and one part of that is U – Understand Your Actions.
When a client tells me they keep “blowing up” or “checking out,” we don’t try to stop the behavior.
We try to understand it.
Because behavior is a signal.
It’s trying to say:
“I feel alone.”
“I feel afraid.”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
And when we meet ourselves with compassion instead of judgment, we open the door to showing up differently in our relationships.
So I’ll ask you gently…
Is there a relationship in your life right now that feels heavy?
Is there someone you love… but it feels harder than it should?
Is there a version of you that you want to show up as—but just don’t know how?
You’re not broken. You’re human. And connection can be rebuilt.
If you’re ready to learn how…
I’d love to help you get there.
I offer one-on-one coaching for parents, individuals, and couples who want more peace, presence, and purpose in their relationships.
If you’re curious—or just want to talk—I offer free 20-minute consultations that will help you discover how.
No pressure, just real conversation.
Click here to schedule your free consult.
And be sure to tune in to next week’s episode with Melissa Radke—because laughter, honesty, and healing are all on the table.
