When Your Relationship Feels One-Sided: 5 Steps to Create Change
One of the most painful challenges I hear from clients is the feeling of being in a one-sided relationship—where it seems like you’re carrying the weight of the connection, while your partner appears distant, disengaged, or simply not interested in working on things.
It’s exhausting. It can leave you wondering if you’re enough, questioning your worth, or fearing the future of your relationship. But here’s the good news: being in a one-sided relationship doesn’t mean things are hopeless.
With some intentional steps, you can shift the dynamic and create more balance, connection, and hope.
Here are five steps I teach to help clients move forward when they feel like they’re the only one trying:
1. Reframe the Problem: Relationally Challenged, Not Personal Rejection
It’s so easy to take our partner’s lack of effort as a personal rejection. Thoughts like “If I were more interesting, attractive, or fun, they’d want to connect with me” creep in quickly.
But often, it’s not rejection. It’s that your partner may be relationally challenged. They might not have had strong role models, or they simply don’t understand what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. When you can see it this way, it takes the sting out of the story that you’re the problem.
2. Don’t Follow Their Lead
When your partner checks out, it’s tempting to match their energy. Ignore them when they ignore you, get defensive when they’re defensive. But if both partners stop showing up, no one is steering the relationship toward growth.
Instead, take the lead based on your values. Respond with patience when they shut down, initiate conversations when they don’t, and model what healthy communication looks like. You may be surprised how often your energy sets the tone for what’s possible.
3. Clearly Communicate Needs and Timelines
Hope alone won’t create change. If your partner struggles relationally, you’ll need to spell things out clearly.
Talk openly about what isn’t working, what you need, and what specific changes would look like. Set timelines, create accountability check-ins, and invite them into the process with honesty and kindness.
4. Aim for Win-Win (or No Deal)
Healthy relationships require mutual benefit. If one person always loses, resentment will eventually build. Instead, hold the standard of win-win or no deal.
This doesn’t mean threatening the relationship at every turn, but it does mean honoring yourself enough to say: “We need to find a way forward that works for both of us.”
5. Get Support So You Don’t Burn Out
Trying to carry a relationship alone can feel like pushing a boulder uphill. You’ll need encouragement, perspective, and tools to keep going. Surround yourself with supportive friends, mentors, or coaches who believe in healthy, lasting relationships. Strengthening your own relational skills is one of the best ways to strengthen the relationship itself.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re reading this and realizing you’re tired of the one-sided dynamic, I want you to know… you don’t have to figure it out on your own. That’s exactly why I created my 10-Day Relationship Reset.
It’s a step-by-step program that gives you the tools, mindset shifts, and practical actions to reset the tone of your relationship. Without waiting for your partner to change first. You’ll get short videos, a workbook, and strategies that you can start using right away.
Click here to grab your 10-Day Relationship Reset for just $37
Because you deserve a relationship that feels supportive, connected, and strong. Not one that drains you.
