When You’re the Only One Still Fighting for Your Marriage
You love your spouse. You want your marriage to work.
But lately, it feels like you’re the only one still showing up, still hoping, still trying.
You’ve read the books, suggested counseling, worked on your communication… yet your spouse seems distant, disengaged, or maybe even done.
If that’s where you are right now, take a deep breath.
You are not powerless.
And this doesn’t have to be the end.
In this week’s episode of The FOCUS Podcast, I’m sharing how to begin saving your marriage, even if you feel like you’re the only one trying.
1. What “Only One Trying” Really Means
In almost every couple I coach, one person becomes the initiator of change.
That doesn’t make you desperate or weak. It makes you aware.
Awareness is powerful. It’s the first step toward healing.
Relationships rarely shift because both people suddenly get motivated at the same time.
They change because one person decides to lead differently (with calm, clarity, and courage) until emotional safety begins to grow again.
2. Breaking the Pursue–Withdraw Cycle
When one spouse feels disconnected, they often start to push for closeness. Talking more, asking more, needing reassurance.
The other, feeling overwhelmed or criticized, starts to pull away.
And the harder you chase, the faster they retreat.
This is one of the most common patterns I see.
The shift happens when you stop trying to convince your spouse and instead create calm, safe moments of connection.
Because people don’t respond to pressure, they respond to safety.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control whether your spouse opens up.
But you can control how you show up.
That’s where my FOCUS Framework™ comes in:
F – Facts First: See what’s actually happening, not what fear is telling you.
O – Own Your Thoughts: Choose beliefs that calm your nervous system, not fuel your anxiety.
C – Choose Your Feelings: Decide who you want to be in this moment, no matter what they’re doing.
U – Understand Your Actions: Recognize what builds safety and what pushes it away.
S – Shape Your Results: Small, steady shifts in your energy begin to change the whole dynamic.
4. Leading With Emotional Safety
Emotional safety is the oxygen of a healthy marriage.
Without it, everything suffocates.
This means replacing criticism with curiosity.
Silence with acknowledgment.
Defensiveness with empathy.
Even small shifts in tone, timing, or facial expression can reopen doors that felt permanently closed.
When your spouse feels safe (not pressured) they’re far more likely to re-engage.
5. Holding Space for Hope and Reality
Hope isn’t pretending everything is fine.
It’s believing change is possible while staying honest about where you are.
You can hold both:
the ache of what’s missing and the faith that things can heal.
When you stop reacting out of fear and start responding with grounded confidence, you create emotional room for your spouse to move closer.
And even if they don’t right away, you will still grow stronger, calmer, and more centered, which changes everything.
Your Next Step
If this speaks to your heart, I created something specifically for situations like this:
the Save Your Marriage Mini Course is a free, step-by-step guide to help you calm the chaos, rebuild safety, and begin reconnecting… even if your spouse isn’t ready yet.
And if you’re ready for personalized guidance, you can also book a Free ‘Save Your Marriage’ Clarity Call with me.
In just 30 minutes, we’ll uncover what’s keeping you stuck and map out a path toward peace, understanding, and hope.
Remember: saving your marriage doesn’t begin with two people trying at once.
It begins with one person choosing to shift the energy. To lead with love instead of fear, and to rebuild safety one calm moment at a time.
Don’ miss this Friday’s episode of The FOCUS Podcast where I talk more about this subject!
Join my Private Email Community for reminders and more content HERE.
