When Your Teen Is Anxious and You Don’t Know What to Do
There’s nothing quite like seeing your child overwhelmed with anxiety and not knowing how to help.
Maybe they shut down when they’re stressed about school. Maybe they get snappy, irritable, or distant for reasons you can’t quite figure out. Maybe they’re saying things like “I’m not going” or “I don’t care”—when deep down, you know they do.
And if you're like many of the parents I coach, you're probably asking yourself:
Why are they like this?
Should I push them harder? Back off? Say something? Stay silent?
Am I doing this wrong?
Let me start by saying this:
You're not doing it wrong. You're doing your best. And your teen’s anxiety? It's not your fault.
Anxiety Isn’t a Problem to Fix—It’s a Signal to Understand
Your teen’s anxiety isn’t bad behavior, defiance, or drama. It’s their nervous system doing exactly what it was built to do: protect them.
What your teen needs most when anxiety shows up isn’t a fix or a lecture.
They need you—calm, curious, and connected.
Why It’s So Hard (Even When You Love Them Deeply)
You love your teen. You want them to feel confident, safe, and at ease. So when anxiety hijacks their emotions, your nervous system might start firing, too.
You might:
Try to logic them out of it (“There’s nothing to worry about!”)
Tell them to toughen up (“You’ll be fine. Just go.”)
Jump into fix-it mode (“I’ll talk to your teacher—don’t stress.”)
Get frustrated (“I can’t help you if you won’t even try.”)
And while all of these responses come from love, they often leave teens feeling misunderstood or shut down—even more anxious than before.
So what’s the alternative?
3 Ways to Be a Safe Place for Your Anxious Teen
These small shifts can create big emotional safety for your teen—and deepen your connection in the process:
1. Get Curious Instead of Controlling
Ask yourself: What might their anxiety be trying to tell us?
Instead of jumping to action, try gentle curiosity:
“What part of this feels really hard right now?”
“Is there something your brain is telling you about this situation?”
You’re not prying—you’re partnering.
2. Validate Their Feelings Without Amplifying the Fear
You don’t have to agree with their thoughts to validate their feelings.
Try:
“That makes sense you’d feel that way.”
“Your feelings are always safe to talk about here.”
“I’ve had that kind of worry too.”
Validation = connection. And connection calms anxiety faster than correction ever will.
3. Regulate Yourself First
Anxiety is contagious. So is calm.
When your teen’s anxiety spikes, your ability to stay grounded gives them the safety to begin calming themselves.
Take a breath. Lower your voice. Slow your response.
Remember: you don’t need the perfect words—you just need a calm presence.
What Comes Next?
Anxiety is becoming more common in teens—not because they’re weaker, but because the world is louder, faster, and more demanding than ever before.
The good news? There are simple tools your teen can learn to work with their brain instead of fighting it. And I’ll be sharing those tools next week in a post created just for teens.
➡️ Coming next week:
🧠 Anxiety Isn’t You — It’s a Signal: Tools Every Teen Needs to Hear
It will include powerful brain science, my signature FOCUS framework, and a free Teen Anxiety Toolkit you can share with your teen.
Want Support Sooner?
If your teen is struggling and you’re not sure what to do next, let’s talk.
✔️ Book a free consultation call HERE
✔️Enroll in my Strengthening Parent-Teen Relationship: From Conflict to Connection program HERE ✔️ Enroll your teen in my 4-week Teen Resilience virtual course for one-on-one guidance HERE
✔️ Or just keep reading my blog—I’m here for you every step of the way
You’re not alone. And neither is your teen.
